Men of Action: The Roots of Brotherhood

We are men of action. Lies do not become us.

‍

The above quote comes from a memorable moment in The Princess Bride. Spoken by Westly, the film's protagonist on the edge of the fire swamp, the line highlights the intimate relationship between truth and adventure. Adventures have a way of uncovering truth–about ourselves, about where we come from, and the way of the world. There’s something about action that cuts through the surface-level into the deep. As men, if we never embrace the call to adventure, we can’t expect to find authenticity and truth. 

‍

The reality is, all men are made to be men of action. It’s part of our DNA. However, men are not merely made for action. Less intuitively, men are also made for community. After God created Adam, it didn’t take long before He observed “It is not good that the man should be alone.” This is one of the first things that God communicates about our nature. In Genesis 2, at the dawn of time, God gave man work to do and a companion with whom to do it. Man was made for purposeful action and community. 

‍

Men Make Lousy Women

Here’s the thing though–these two purposes, these two needs, are not distinct. They go hand in hand, and things go disastrously wrong when either one is neglected. If a man has nothing to work towards, he loses his sense of purpose and finds only frustration and apathy. If a man is alone, he falls victim to all sorts of vices and can easily lose sight of the purpose of his work. Men need to do something with someone to be fully alive.

‍

In our modern context, we tend to impose feminine structures on men and expect them to flourish as men in feminine settings. For example, your generic men’s Bible study probably features a group of men, some of whom may have never met in another context, gathered around a table sipping coffee and being prompted to share their thoughts and feelings. Nothing could be more foreign to the male mind and heart. This approach seems to work quite well for women, who tend to forge bonds by sharing their life experiences verbally. But for men? Well, the proof is in the pudding. Strong male friendships are rare to find these days. Our culture is rife with frustrated lone wolves.

‍

Men bond through shared experience. Before they can open up, they need to know they can trust and relate to one another, and the way God designed men to determine that is through doing something together. Men don’t typically build deep connections through face-to-face conversations alone—we connect shoulder-to-shoulder, through work, challenge, and adventure. So if you’re wondering why you or the men around you seem to be struggling to break through the surface level into real connection, it’s probably because you’re not very good women.

‍

Jesus Called Men to Adventure and Fellowship

Ok, so if we’ve given the connecting-like-women thing a try it hasn’t gone so well, it’s probably time to try connecting as men. So where to start? How about with Jesus. It’s hard to imagine a better standard for discipleship than the pioneer and perfecter of our faith. Do you remember that part in the Bible where Jesus called out to the disciples and invited them to coffee? Right. Neither do I. What did Jesus invite them to do? He called them to forsake earthly comforts and join him on a dangerous quest to free the world from bondage to the enemy. He gave them work to do, tending to his flock, fishing for men, and going to the ends of the earth to make disciples of all nations. The scope couldn’t be grander, the urgency couldn’t be greater, and the stakes couldn’t be higher. 

‍

But he didn't send them out on their own. First, he assembled a team of twelve, a patrol, a squad, to grow together as brothers as He taught them and equipped them for the work ahead. Through them, Jesus instituted the Church, a family that transcends borders, languages, and time itself dedicated to accomplishing the mission given to us by Jesus in the Great Commission. Not only has Jesus given us each other, but He has even given us the Holy Spirit, a friend that sticks closer than a brother, who is with us always, even unto the end of the age to be our counselor and comforter. 

‍

I hope it goes without saying that none of this is to imply that women don’t need community as well, or that women thrive without a mission in life. Of course, Jesus called women too, so the fact that he gave the disciples a mission and a company with whom to accomplish that mission does not mean that he only was calling men to be his hands and feet. The point is that women and men are different in the way they find connection and meaning, and currently our culture is doing a better job providing that to women than it is to men. Jesus, on the other hand, did not struggle to connect with men in a way that resonated with their masculine natures. 

‍

The problem isn’t with the men struggling to find connection. The problem lies mostly in the methodology. That’s good news! Because now is the perfect time to try something new. Now’s the time to embrace being men of action and, in getting into the trenches with other men, opening up ourselves to the opportunity for truth and authenticity to break through. 

‍

The Need for Shared Experience

Instead of starting with coffee or Bible study, we need to look for better entry points. This is why shared experiences are essential. Think about it: the strongest bonds between men are often forged in the midst of action. Military units form brotherhoods through rigorous training. Coaches and players develop trust through the hard work of practice. Fathers and sons connect through hands-on projects.

‍

When you and your friend do something together, you create natural moments for wisdom to be passed down—not in forced, formal meetings, but in the rhythms of working, learning, and adventuring side by side.

‍

So let’s say you’re looking for a friend, a mentor, or perhaps a younger man you feel called to mentor yourself. It’s wise to be intentional about how you engage with him. Start by finding a shared activity. Maybe you both enjoy fishing, hiking, woodworking, or coaching youth sports. Initially, it could even just be something you need help with, like fixing your car or building a tree house. Whatever it is, make doing something together the foundation of your relationship.

‍

Examples of Shared Activities That Foster Mentoring

Here are a few ideas for activities that can serve as a natural foundation for mentoring:

‍

• Outdoor Activities: Hiking, fishing, hunting, camping, rock climbing
• Sports & Fitness: Playing basketball, training for a race, weightlifting
• Hands-On Projects: Woodworking, home improvement, car maintenance
• Serving Together: Volunteering at church, mentoring boys in Trail Life, feeding the homeless
• Learning Together: Reading a book and discussing it, taking a course, attending a men’s conference

‍

Whatever you do, make it real—meaningful relationships are not formed in formal meetings; it’s about walking the path together. Find something active, build trust through experience, and allow wisdom to be passed down along the way.

‍

Sound the Horn! Rally the Troops!

Men, you were made for action, purpose, and connection. You need brothers and a mission to rally around. If you are feeling isolated, it’s not because you’re too awkward or that the men around you are just not like you. The problem is you’re trying to make a square peg fit in a round hole. Go against the flow and make the first move. You have skills and interests. You have something to share with others that God gave you for His glory. You were made to use it selflessly. Call other men to walk alongside you. You’ll be surprised at how quickly men jump up if you ask them for help. A quick illustration:

‍

Recently, Hurricane Helene ravaged western North Carolina, my neighbors just to the north. As news of the devastation in western North Carolina mounted throughout the week, I decided to take a Saturday to volunteer with a disaster relief organization. I made the decision fairly last minute and planned on heading up there by myself. After all, it was so short notice. You can’t just ask someone to voluntarily give up their Saturday to shovel mud out of a stranger’s house 36 hours before departure time, right? 

‍

My wife disagreed. That afternoon, she encouraged me to ask if any of the guys from church wanted to join me. I agreed and shot off a text to the guys in my Bible study. It certainly couldn’t hurt anything. Next thing I knew, my text was circulating all the men’s groups. The pastor got involved. I got a call from one of the deacons. I not only got a small crew together for that Saturday, but my church ended up sending 3 separate crews up to Asheville!

‍

It wasn’t that my invitation to go was particularly eloquent or compelling (it really wasn’t). The response revealed the fact that the men and boys at my little church were like a bunch of loaded springs, just waiting to be set off. They heard there was a need and knew they had something to offer. They brought their tools, gave their time, and left with memories, lessons learned, newfound bonds with their brothers, and a profound sense of satisfaction, the kind best appreciated with sore backs and knees after a long day of service. It’s as if they had been made for such an adventure. 

‍